For When You Think Nobody Will Love You - Real Time Story of A Girl

 

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This story resonated with real life. This is something I seen someone went through. Loving yourself is a process, you will have good days and you will have bad days, days where you are proud of who you are and days when you are less than your best. And those people who seem to have everything together fall apart once in a while. We are all doing the best we can and that's all anyone can ask for.

When we want to entrap others in our web of love, we trap ourselves. Our own desire begins to be more important than our partners' desires, and we develop desperate attachments. And when such attachment is broken, it hurts and the process of healing isn't that easy that it is written in the books.

 

You can never quite remember the actual moments when someone says that they love you for the first time. You wait for it so long, practice how you will respond, prevent yourself from saying it before them (you wouldn’t want to look desperate), and then it happens, and it’s like you go temporarily deaf. There is a ringing, like a TV show that has cut off to go to an emergency announcement. This is an emergency announcement. And you can’t even hear it. It’s almost like your brain doesn’t want to process these words, because then you’d have to acknowledge them, and not just in your imagination.

Besides, everyone who has ever said that to you before has left, so you might as well not even listen.“I love you” will mean nights staying up while you text each other all the night, wondering why they haven’t left you already, wondering when they will.  It means having to take the risk that, as has happened so many times before, you will be disappointed. You will be proven wrong. You will live the reality of that fear you always have, the fear where they wake up one day and look in the mirror and say “What was I doing here? I could do so, so much better than this." And in some cases, it also means having to be naked with them with the lights all the way up, stinging every dimpled plane of your body with unforgiving clarity.

 

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So you have chosen aloneness. You have chosen the security and the relative freedom of solitude, because there is no risk involved. You can stay up every night and watch your TV shows and eat ice cream out of the box and scroll through your Facebook and never let your brain sit still, not even for a moment. You can fill your days up with books and coffees and trips to the store where you forget what you wanted the second you walk in the automatic sliding door. You can do so many little, pointless things throughout the day that all you can think of is how badly you want to sleep, how heavy your whole body is, how much your feet hurt. You can wear yourself out again and again on the pavement, and you do, and it feels good.

Sometimes, you think that no one has ever loved you. You have almost flippantly doubted it, even when someone was saying it to you. Even if they are saying it to you today. Because, though you wouldn’t like to admit it, you’re not terribly sure that you love yourself. You reject all of the simpering notions in beauty magazines and you learn to say nice things about yourself when you look in the mirror. If someone asked, you could provide an objective list of your qualities. But you’re not sure that “loving yourself” is something you ever really learned how to do. Sometimes, you wonder if everyone is faking it, even the people who seem to have it all down to a science.

Because you’ve never looked at yourself and felt blown away by the privilege of being in your own body, of having your own mind, of living your own life. You’ve never felt that thrilling infatuation, that deep connection. Not about yourself. And maybe someone else did, but every time they told you that they loved you, it was as though the words had gone through several translating programs before they came back to your ears. You kind of knew what they were trying to say, but it was an expression whose meaning you didn’t really recognize. They said, “I love you,” and you said “You too.”

 

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You think that no one ever will, because how could they? No one will ever bridge that gap and point to your stomach or your hair or your eyes in the mirror and magically make you see the wonderful things about getting to be next to you. And maybe that’s it, after all, this fear that no one will ever truly feel about you the way you want to be felt about. Maybe what you want is someone to make you love yourself, to put sense into all that positive rhetoric, to make it so the aloneness of TV and blasting music in your ears at all times isn’t the most happy place you can think of. Maybe you want someone who makes you so sure of how wonderful things are that you cannot help but to tell them your feelings first.

Because you will know that, when you’re telling them you love them, what you’re really saying is “I love who I become when I am with you.”

Don't take it for granted.

Just something on my mind today, when you are in a relationship. Never lose sight of the things your partner does for you.

If you have been together 20 years and he has gotten you coffee every morning don't take that for granted as just something he does. There is effort that goes into that.

If she kisses you every night when she gets into bed, even if you are asleep there is thought behind such an action.

If your partner picks you up little special snacks at the store it means you are in their thoughts.

The moment you start chalking these little things up as normal behavior you start taking them for granted and they become meaningless.

And believing these things to be meaningless normal behavior can only hurt your partner, yourself, and your relationship.

Be mindful that there is meaning and effort involved in those actions.

She's just not into you!

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Bad Girls are actually bad.

All these years I'd been complaining about girls and their mixed messages; now I saw they weren't mixed messages at all. I was the one that was mixed up.

You deserve to be with someone who is nice to you all the time.

Don't be flattered that she misses you. She should miss you. You're deeply missable. However, she's still the same person who just broke up with you. Remember, the only reason she can miss you is because she's choosing, every day, not to be with you.

Just remember that the person you are getting back together with is the same person who, not long before, looked you in your face(there are some who dont even do this), took full stock of you and all your qualities, and told you that she was no longer in need of your company.

She's not really saying she doesn't want to get married. She's saying she doesn't want to get married to you. She's just not that into you if she doesn't want to marry you. Love cures commitment phobia.

The word 'busy' in the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction. It seems like a good excuse, but in fact, in every silo you uncover, all you're going to find is a girl who didn't care enough to call. Remember: None are never too busy to get what they want.

We're taught that in life, we should try to look on the bright side, to be optimistic. Not in this case. In this case, look on the dark side. Assume rejection first. Assume you're the rule, not the exception.

If a girl doesn't call you, she doesn't want to call you, a hard pill to swallow, i know.

How stupid is it that a one has to wait for a call anyway, right?

She's got the ultimate situation: a great friend with all the benefis of a boyfriend, whom she can see or not see whenever she wants to.

Breaks. Hard, clean breaks, No talking, no seeing, no touching. . . . Keep your hands to yourself. The relationship is over.

Yes, breakups are painful, even from someone you may have only dated a few days. You may have been really excited about her and had a lot of hopes for the future. But how empowering to have the mental clarity to say, 'She just wasn't that into me.'

There's nothing worse than having no answer, in business, friendships, and especially romantic relationships. But the bad news is, no answer is your answer. She may not have written you a goodbye note, but her silence is a deafening 'see you later.

She's gone. Poof Vanished into thin air. Well, there's no mixed message here. She's made it clear that she's so not into you that she couldn't even bother to leave you a text message.

You have every right to know what is going on between you and someone you're knocking socks with. And the more confident you are that you deserve that (and much more), the more you'll be able to ask your big questions in a way that won't feel heavy and dramatic, I guarantee you.

If the girl you're dating doesn't seem to be completely into you, or you feel the need to start 'figuring her out,' please consider the glorious thought that she might just not be that into you. And then free yourself to go find someone that is.

I don't want to be 'sort of dating' someone. I don't want to be 'kinda hanging out' with someone. I don't want to spend a lot of energy suppressing all my feelings so I appear uninvolved. I want to be involved. I want to have future with someone I know I'll see again because they've already demonstrated to me that they're trustworthy and honorable--and into me.

*Change the gender and it applies to your life as well. 

One in Seven Billion

 

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That's all I am. One lone soul out of nearly seven billion currently inhabiting this crazy planet. Whenever I think, speak or write, it is the thought, voice, and opinion of one person, out of seven billion.

In the infinite number of possible lives that could be lived, to form a perception of life and the human condition; to influence a moral code, values, ethics, and an understanding of right from wrong, Mine is but one.

And the great thing is; that if I write about an element of it, then out of seven billion people, it isn't unreasonable to think that anywhere between 50 to 3,000 people might find their way to this site, and relate with whatever I've written, enough to click a little button that says 'like' or leave an encouraging comment.

Now as encouraging as it might be that there are other people who connect to something I've written. It doesn't intrinsically make my opinion any more or less valuable or valid than anyone else's. And although some may agree, it is almost guaranteed that for every one person that relates to my thoughts, those same thoughts will seem foreign and possibly confronting to a hundred more.

Human are such diverse and abstract creatures, it's inevitable that ideas that will seem to make one person feel validated to their very core, will seem offensive and threatening to the very existence of the world view that others have created for themselves.

The first important thing to remember is, that we as humans have always made the mistake of thinking that people agreeing with us means we are right. So no matter how much we claim to like robust discourse, we tend to surround ourselves with people who agree with us and hold the same opinions and values as us.

But while we are living in our world thinking that the popularity of opinions has any bearing on reality; try and remember Galileo Galilei who spent the last 8 years of his life under house arrest for proposing that the sun did not revolve around the earth, and it was in fact the other way round.

The second and last important thing we need remembers is, that no matter how unique, profound, or important we think our opinions and values are; we are just one voice out of seven billion.  

Are You The Right Partner?

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I have seen a question floating around lately that got me to thinking. The conclusion of it which was "Are you with the right partner". I thought it was a very interesting question, though in my personal opinion; not the right one.

I feel the question that people really need to ask themselves is not are you with the right partner, but are you the right partner? People often find themselves in a relationship with someone they feel doesn't entirely respect them or that abuses their trust or boundaries. They often end up in relationships where they are left feeling under appreciated, unwanted and insecure.


The truth is though folks, love and passion are not enough. You need to ask yourself, am I being the right partner for the sort of relationship I wish to have.


Do you want your partner to be more considerate of your wants and needs? Then you must make sure that those wants and needs are being expressed by YOU. If you are expressing your wants and needs and they are not being met, then you need to accept that this person may simply not be capable of fulfilling what it is that you need.


In order to be the right partner, you must first acknowledge your wants, your needs in a relationship. Your wants are the things you would like to have in a relationship, but that you can do without. Your needs are the must haves that you require in a relationship in order for it to be maintained. You must decide what these are and then ensure that even if your relationship does not necessarily meet all of your wants, that it meets all of your needs.


Then you must address what it is that your partner wants and needs from a relationship. What are there wants and how many of them are you capable of providing for? More importantly though, are you capable of providing for all of their needs? If you cannot provide for all of there wants, that is okay. Your relationship can survive that. If you cannot provide for all of their needs though, it is time to accept that this is a relationship that is never going to be able to work.


If you cannot provide for your partners needs or vice versa, then there will always be a feeling of being unfulfilled by one party or both. There will always be a feeling of not being "good enough" by the party who cannot provide for the other's need. When a situation like this arises, you must take a step back and ask yourself a very important question. Am I the right partner?


Are you the right partner for this specific person? If not, it doesn't mean that there is not love between you. It does not mean that your concern, compassion and care for one another is not genuine. It simply means that there is a need that the other person has, that you cannot meet. This is not a failure on anyone's part. It is a simply a difference in needs that cannot be ignored.


So before you ask yourself "Am I with the right partner" ask yourself Am I the right partner for this person? If your answer is no, you know what to do.

 

If You're Lucky Enough & Found Your Love Of Life, Hold Onto Her!

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“If you’re ever lucky enough to find a girl who is a hopeless romantic with a naughty mind, you should hold onto her. Because she’ll be yours at two in the morning and at two in the afternoon the following day. She’ll kiss you where it hurts and until it hurts. And that’s important. Someone who not only knows how to turn you on but also knows how to treat you right is someone worth a little something… and a little more than usual.”

When I first saw this it said author unknown- The author is "Sionnach Bandia."

Beautifully stated Sionnach, and oh, so, true!

After reading the quote, I ponder upon it deeply, and thought to pen the way I see it. Thank you if you are reading my musing/thoughts & sharing your love with me.

For that's the girl you can share your good news with and she will rejoice with you. While being with the girl you can call at 3 in the morning if you just need to talk or a shoulder to lean on. When you have a bad day she will be there to hug you, sit with you and truly listen to what you need to get off your chest.

If your heart is breaking she is your safe harbour , she will stroke your brow, cradle you in her arms, kiss away your tears and wrap you in her love. She will work hard to fill your life with love, joy laughter and little surprises. She will be there when you need her.

She will give you her heart and trust you not to bruise it, however, even if you do bruise it she will forgive you and give you several chances before she gives up on you for she knows love is a gift and hates giving up on people. (I know this because it happened to me, true lover never give up on you, no matter what)

She will spend hours/days trying to find that perfect birthday gift for you. She will want to please you and will do everything in her power to make you happy and make life easier for you. She will even try to learn a few new things to spice up your life, if she thinks that will bring you joy. 





Spoil Your Partner

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Spoil your partner (Sarcasm here). Do the little things that will make their day brighter. Think of the things that won't take much energy but will bring them a lot of joy. Then do them whenever you can.(No Sarcasm here)

Pick up milk on the way home. Set a glass of water on the nightstand. Send a text message just to say hello. Have a plan for dinner. Send flowers to work. Wake up them with a kiss if you are maaried or Wake up them with Good Morning text if you are dating. Write a note inside the card instead of just signing it. Pick up a new book from a favorite author. Buy a new snack you think they'll like. Leave 'I love you' in an unexpected place.

You have chosen a partner, someone with whom to share your present, to hold your hand as you go through life. A fully-formed, grownup person is standing next to you. Don't worry that you might ruin them if you're too nice. If they act like a jackass when you're extra nice, then they're just a jackass. Don't choose a jackass for a partner.

The one thing I always notice in conversations with happy, old couples who've been together for considerably longer than I've been alive is that each person always thinks their partner is the one who does more and gives more. Why is that? Because both people are doing their best to make the other feel spoiled, to fill the other's day with sunshine, to express love with action. It's a reinforcing cycle, a feedback loop.

Do the little things that show you care. That's your companion through life; help make them well- equipped and cheerful for the journey.

Those little expressions of love build and help to maintain a strong and deep relationship that can, given time, last not only any challenge, but a lifetime.

Special Reference to a Man (who follow me on Twitter and is from New York, USA) quoted me "I read this as I'm about to make a trip across town (15miles) to drop off my wife's lunch which she forgot this am;She hasn't asked, I choose to and that is why we have been together 20 yrs." That is quite special expression of love and I thought to share with you all.

'Action speaks louder than words', we all read it in our KG. Expressing love to special people of our lives gives immense pleasure that could be felt in doing anything. It's a two-way street. Everyone wants to know they are special to their partner.

"That’s how kindness works too: there’s a great deal of evidence showing the more someone receives or witnesses kindness, the more they will be kind themselves, which leads to upward spirals of love and generosity in a relationship."

This is my goal every day. To make her the happiest Girl I know!