Celebrate them.

Lots of us have had that thought at the end of a relationship that their partner will never be as happy without them as they were with them, especially if they're the ones who don't want the relationship to end. But as we all know, that's usually not the case. People move on and find happiness elsewhere. Plus that happiness you think they had with you, might be colored a little brighter than the happiness they remember.

One of the biggest blows you'll have besides the initial break up is when you realize they are happy without you. That they're living their life and not trapped in the same cloud of misery you're in. It hurts, because it doesn't line up with what you thought to be true and you make it about you. You think their new found joy is somehow a reflection on you and it makes you feel even worse. That people are just better without you.

But that's usually not the case. You're self worth needs to be independent from any relationship you have. The fact is, you may have had a great relationship until you didn't. When it broke down and you both couldn't figure out a way to get back to that good place, then you split. Of course, when someone loses someone they once loved and that person is now a source of huge pain, there will be a transition period afterwards and the chance of them finding another new shiny person who'll flood them with warm feelings is high.

When it happens to your ex, celebrate it. You won't want to. You'll want to do just the opposite. But celebrate it instead. Because someone you love is doing well. We shouldn't need to be in a "relationship", with them in order for us to recognize that is a good thing. It doesn't even have to be another relationship they find, it could be anything that fulfills them and brings them a smile. 

Celebrate it.

Because when you do, you'll find their state of being says nothing about yours. Only you are responsible for looking after yourself and a big step in that is letting go of any unnecessary anger that isn't truly justified. Negative emotions can affect our daily existence like we're wearing a ball and chain. Hard to move, hard to live with that weight around us.

Let it go. Remember, you wanted the best for them, to protect them and cherish them. Do that no matter your label to them. Because you might just find that when you celebrate the joy of another, makes it easier for them to be happy for our successes as well. When we support each other, great things can be created.

Let's all create something great together by celebrating each other, always.

Unless they were truly an abusive asshole, then fuck em!

Forgiveness is the only option.

We often carry grudges and wish harm on our enemies.

When we’ve been wronged we only have two possible responses when it comes to those who have hurt us: we can offer forgiveness or we can choose to be bitter.

The thing is bitter people have every right to be angry. Whatever happened to you may have been catastrophic. Someone may have pretended to be someone they aren't, they may have physically or emotionally abused you, or perhaps cut you down with words that they won’t ever be able to take back. Maybe it didn’t seem like a big deal at first but the person who caused you the pain was someone you loved, trusted, and had given privileged access to your world.

There is worse pain than betrayal.

And it’s natural for us to seek revenge. We fight back. We won’t let anything stop us from inflicting pain on those who have dropped the emotional hammer on our soul. It’s the standard playground rule: if you hurt me, I’m going to hurt you. But that rarely gets you anywhere. You may gain a momentary relief but you’re going to eventually have to shoulder the weight of regret.

But what if we took another path? What if revenge wasn’t an option? What if we offered forgiveness to those who have treated us so poorly?

I can see you bowing up at the computer screen as we speak. Take a deep breath and wipe away every preconceived notion you had about that silly little word, forgiveness.

Just because you offer it doesn’t mean you’re denying that the act occurred or that you are diminishing how you felt when it happened. You aren't saying that it’s no big deal. You aren't enabling someone to continue on in the vicious cycle of hurting you. You're not sweeping things under the rug and covering up the crime that was committed against you. You aren't forgetting that it happened- that’s impossible. You're not even asking for reconciliation as it takes a commitment from both sides to kiss-and-make up.

But what we are doing is this: when you offer forgiveness, you’re removing the control that someone else has over you . As long as someone remains unforgiven, you’re granting them the right to loom large in your life by allowing him or her to maintain an emotional presence in your world. When you grant them release, you’re freeing yourself from them. While you’re carrying around this burden, you’re ensnared and in chains (and not the good kind).

It’s not an easy process. It could take an immeasurable amount of time to release someone from the wrong they have done to you. But you'll benefit in the end and your load will be a tad bit lighter.

"If we don't pursue forgiveness, the same wounds by which we are broken are wounds we will use to break others."

- Erwin McManus