TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES and leave your past at the door.

Our past - It defines us, it guides us, it will even destroy us if we’re not careful. 

I’ve spent years beating my past, chipping away at the edges and building a new life with the bricks I create.

But sometimes it still leads me around like a monkey in a bad circus. Takes a hold of the leash and drags me through an old hell only to flatten all the new foundations I’ve built.

Our past can be venomous, a lethal mix of warped imagination based off the hurt others have caused you. It stains the hopes and dreams you’ve somehow found in a world of billions and tears you away from what’s important.

You can waste countless hours worrying about things that aren’t even there. You’ll create problems out of thin air because you’re expecting them to repeat themselves. You'll say things to loved ones who never deserved to hear them from your lips and all because you’re living with the memories of past hurts.

There’s no shame in not having fully controlled it yet, the shame comes from the devastation you’ll bring into your new life, with beautiful people who played no part in the old one. The shame comes from you knowing you didn’t need to ruin that moment, but you went ahead and did it anyway.

"A man /woman who does not take their shoes off when entering your heart, is ready to leave at any moment. That person did not come to stay. They came to visit."

By letting my past dictate parts of my conscience, I’ve almost become that visitor. I’d left my shoes on. I was subconsciously preparing to move on because I was expecting the past to repeat itself.

Why? Because that’s what I know. My past has a sick loop attached to it. A fucked up Groundhog Day with a violent shield I put up the second I feel threatened. Shield up, sword drawn ready to fight. I won't be beaten. But to never lose in defensive means you actually never win either. Sure, you scare away the demons, but only to be left standing there alone on the battlefield as the enemy retreats back to the castle for festivities. An empty battlefield is a very lonely place.

Don’t waste time on your past unless you’ve harnessed it for positivity. Don’t waste time on people who mean fuck all and can never take what's yours anyway. Don’t exert immense energy on people who don’t even know you exist.

Cut the serpent off at the head. Look forward, see what’s real and valuable then focus on it. If you’re in a relationship that blows your mind, it’s because you deserve to be there, you’ve earned it. Don’t let the past steal a single minute of it.

Take off your shoes, settle in and enjoy the moment you’re in, not the ones you think are coming.

It’s my goal from this day onwards to never look back and leave my past at the door.

Celebrate them.

Lots of us have had that thought at the end of a relationship that their partner will never be as happy without them as they were with them, especially if they're the ones who don't want the relationship to end. But as we all know, that's usually not the case. People move on and find happiness elsewhere. Plus that happiness you think they had with you, might be colored a little brighter than the happiness they remember.

One of the biggest blows you'll have besides the initial break up is when you realize they are happy without you. That they're living their life and not trapped in the same cloud of misery you're in. It hurts, because it doesn't line up with what you thought to be true and you make it about you. You think their new found joy is somehow a reflection on you and it makes you feel even worse. That people are just better without you.

But that's usually not the case. You're self worth needs to be independent from any relationship you have. The fact is, you may have had a great relationship until you didn't. When it broke down and you both couldn't figure out a way to get back to that good place, then you split. Of course, when someone loses someone they once loved and that person is now a source of huge pain, there will be a transition period afterwards and the chance of them finding another new shiny person who'll flood them with warm feelings is high.

When it happens to your ex, celebrate it. You won't want to. You'll want to do just the opposite. But celebrate it instead. Because someone you love is doing well. We shouldn't need to be in a "relationship", with them in order for us to recognize that is a good thing. It doesn't even have to be another relationship they find, it could be anything that fulfills them and brings them a smile. 

Celebrate it.

Because when you do, you'll find their state of being says nothing about yours. Only you are responsible for looking after yourself and a big step in that is letting go of any unnecessary anger that isn't truly justified. Negative emotions can affect our daily existence like we're wearing a ball and chain. Hard to move, hard to live with that weight around us.

Let it go. Remember, you wanted the best for them, to protect them and cherish them. Do that no matter your label to them. Because you might just find that when you celebrate the joy of another, makes it easier for them to be happy for our successes as well. When we support each other, great things can be created.

Let's all create something great together by celebrating each other, always.

Unless they were truly an abusive asshole, then fuck em!

Forgiveness is the only option.

We often carry grudges and wish harm on our enemies.

When we’ve been wronged we only have two possible responses when it comes to those who have hurt us: we can offer forgiveness or we can choose to be bitter.

The thing is bitter people have every right to be angry. Whatever happened to you may have been catastrophic. Someone may have pretended to be someone they aren't, they may have physically or emotionally abused you, or perhaps cut you down with words that they won’t ever be able to take back. Maybe it didn’t seem like a big deal at first but the person who caused you the pain was someone you loved, trusted, and had given privileged access to your world.

There is worse pain than betrayal.

And it’s natural for us to seek revenge. We fight back. We won’t let anything stop us from inflicting pain on those who have dropped the emotional hammer on our soul. It’s the standard playground rule: if you hurt me, I’m going to hurt you. But that rarely gets you anywhere. You may gain a momentary relief but you’re going to eventually have to shoulder the weight of regret.

But what if we took another path? What if revenge wasn’t an option? What if we offered forgiveness to those who have treated us so poorly?

I can see you bowing up at the computer screen as we speak. Take a deep breath and wipe away every preconceived notion you had about that silly little word, forgiveness.

Just because you offer it doesn’t mean you’re denying that the act occurred or that you are diminishing how you felt when it happened. You aren't saying that it’s no big deal. You aren't enabling someone to continue on in the vicious cycle of hurting you. You're not sweeping things under the rug and covering up the crime that was committed against you. You aren't forgetting that it happened- that’s impossible. You're not even asking for reconciliation as it takes a commitment from both sides to kiss-and-make up.

But what we are doing is this: when you offer forgiveness, you’re removing the control that someone else has over you . As long as someone remains unforgiven, you’re granting them the right to loom large in your life by allowing him or her to maintain an emotional presence in your world. When you grant them release, you’re freeing yourself from them. While you’re carrying around this burden, you’re ensnared and in chains (and not the good kind).

It’s not an easy process. It could take an immeasurable amount of time to release someone from the wrong they have done to you. But you'll benefit in the end and your load will be a tad bit lighter.

"If we don't pursue forgiveness, the same wounds by which we are broken are wounds we will use to break others."

- Erwin McManus

How Beautiful are the People who Appear out of Nowhere.

The most beautiful ones, are the people who appear out of nowhere and without a motive. The ones who just sit next to you and smile. You smile back, and from this simple, kind exchange a real friendship is born.

There were people in my life for whom I fought so hard. To whom I gave and gave, then gave even more. I received back in drops, every now and then just so they would ensure I wouldn't dissappear. There were people from whom I only received excuses, therefore I started associating love with war. The kind of war I would fight until blood would show, if possible. But love is peaceful and it should redress your ballance in this upside world. There are moments when you can't understand this and you fight. Until the very end, hoping to save as many wounded as possible. In the end you realize, the victims are the ones that fought to save themselves.

If you don't feel at home near a person, leave. 

If you don't feel your heart breath easier after a hard day, leave. 

If you don't see your eyes smile more then cry, leave. 

If you feel on a permanent alert in a place you should rest, put your weapons down and leave. 

Be wise and understand when it's time to end a fight. 

Love and friendship are not battlefields where you dress your wounds without cleaning them first.

Love is an oasis of peace you find confort in, after a day of fighting society's dragons. Friendship is a shoulder you lean on, without being afraid of it's grip.

How beautiful are the ones we love who once appeared out of nowhere!

Why Do We Hold On When We Should Let Go?

Why do we hold on to things when we should let go? 

Why do we shoulder the burden ourselves rather than share it. 

Why do we keep the way we feel to ourselves? 

Why is it so hard to say, "I'm not okay." or "That really hurt." 

Why is it so easy to give in when you know you're going to get hurt?

Why is it so hard to be truly naked with our feelings? 

Why can't we be brave, vulnerable, bear our naked souls, to the few people in our lives who deserve it?

We're insecure. 

Every one of us. 

That's why. 

Even when we won't admit it. 

Even when it's painfully obvious. 

If we're completely naked, all our cards on the table, we may be too much; too intense, too extreme and you may get left. 

No one wants to be alone. 

No one wants to lose the good.

So we sacrifice ourselves. 

We cover our wounds. 

We cover our scars. 

We cover our hurt with delusions of "Yea, I'm fine."

The fear of being alone is greater than admitting you're human, so we go on telling the world we're okay and we let it fester until resentment unfolds.

Be brave. 

Be bold. 

Admit you're human.

The result may surprise you.

You get what you work for, not what you wish for - Santa

There are a million-and-one things on my wish list.

Flipkart knows it. 

Amazon knows it. 

Myntra knows it. 

Snapdeal knows it.

And some are things which can't be purchased but are on wishlist.

It's like a Best Buy exploded on a piece of paper. I've spent a considerable amount of my life wishing for things that I didn't have. It includes any number of things that strike my fancy. There have been things I've wanted, things that I've needed, things that I didn't know I needed until after I'd had a small taste and things I thought I needed but really didn't.

I welcome peace, trust, acceptance, and safety into my life. Thanks Santa.

Now, don't get me wrong, I've lived a blessed life. I can't tell you that I've always had the things I've wanted but I have never had to go without food on my table or heat in my home. But I've never had those things handed to me. I've always had to work for them. Hang with me for a second before you write this off as some poorly-crafted Republican informercial. The one thing I've realized is that being content pretty much amplifies who you already are.

The reality is that you get what you work for, not simply what you wish for.

As helpful as it would be- there isn't some whimsical elf like figure taking up residence in your home and reporting back to Santa what you want your relationship dynamic to look like. It seems like lately I'm continuing to stumble upon a number of people who are simple casting their cares on a wishing well and hoping things will change without any effort.

If you aren't willing to commit to rolling up your sleeves and getting your hands dirty- you're more- than-likely going to be sorely disappointed at the output of your dynamic. As much as the Fetlandia trolls would like for you to believe, relationships don't happen at the snap of the fingers. You don't demand for her to love and take care of you without navigating through her mind. It takes work. What makes you think she's going to trust you with her body when you can't take a minute to check on her throughout the day?

You want to show you care for her? 

Take time to run your fingers through her hair.

You want her to do your desires? 

Take time to prove you won't ruin her.

You want her to serve you? 

Take time to serve her first.

You want her to trust you explicitly without question? 

Take time to prove that you'll be there when things get rough.

You want to give you her soul? 

Take time to fucking work for it.

It takes less than five seconds to send a thinking about you text in the morning. You aren't less of a man for bringing her a cup of coffee when she wakes up in the morning (and if you think you are, let me know how she takes her coffee, and I'll bring it to her in my bed). Hold her hand and let her know she's safe. When she's had a bad day, listen to her vent before offering up solutions. If you promise that you're always going to be there, don't flake when she needs you.

Relationships of all kinds take an indescribable amount of work. But  in between, it requires a significant amount of additional effort to build trust. If you aren't willing to put forth the effort necessary to establish such an accord, you're only going to wind-up hurting them in the end. Quit wishing for a better dynamic. Put in the work and reap the rewards.

Abuse is not glamorous or cool.  It is never OK, under any circumstances. She wants to feel safe, respected and cared for by a man she can trust.

There are no shades of grey here. Not even one.

Let Your Heart Do The Thinking.

We are accustomed to chase after things we want. To question everything. We nurture our soul with fears that do nothing but feed the pessimism over and over again. We've taken evil by the arm and walk around with it as if best friends. I wonder when we transformed ourselves in robots that are led by too much rational and too little heart.

Unfortunately, love has become a taboo subject. We find love at every corner. We love shoes, they love cars. We think we love everything, when in fact, we love nothing. We are willing to give up in one night all we have accumulated in a lifetime, all for love. To give up principles that define us, to tie our arms to people that at best give us safety and maybe confort. We are afraid to admit that we love with our mind when, our heart is tamed by chains of ignorance and indifference. We are led by fear. Fear that maybe tomorrow we will starve, be homeless or have a huge fight with our partner and therefore break up. We got here because we question everything, we fear making mistakes, we fear walking a path and being led by feelings. Because fear is easy. Don't take risks and you won't get hurt. We have become accustomed to not wanting to hurt. But love transcends pain if you let it.

I would say we love wrong but, in fact, we dont love anymore. We simulate love. We experiment with feelings. Test people. We live in a superficial way. Our mind in the present, our heart in the past. We don't love because we think too much. Love is put into practice not thought about. Where there is too much fear, there is too little love. Maybe none. When you see someone you like and over think telling them, you already passed love through your mind's filter. You will chose not to every time.

Love knows no fear. 

Not fear of rejection. 

Not fear of defeat. 

Not even fear of suffering. 

Love dances and is always free, even, when the only music is played by busy minds. Love is not an impulse but an organ. A vital one, I would say but not for all. Many of us can live without love, easily so, just as we can live without a kidney. They are lost because they are oblivious. They think too much. When find the time to feel as well? You don't lose anything if you reserve your right to love. In fact, why reserve it? You were born to love.

Don't be afraid to give. 

Don't be afraid to give. 

Don't be afraid to take.

Love with your heart, your mind is too busy already discussing ideas, to bother with love as well.

It's so easy to be happy. Why are we so afraid?

There is no spoon.

There's a part in the matrix movie in which Neo goes to see the Oracle and there's a child who is in the room bending spoons with just his mind. When Neo inquires about how that is possible, the kid says he can bend the spoon, because there is no spoon.

The matrix is a construct and not a reality, so anything in it doesn't really exist, so neither does the physics that would normally rule over our existence.

It's funny how in life we give a false sense of reality and power to things that don't exist. We often submit to the fears of what we think to be true or what we believe might come about and not pay enough attention to the reality of our situations. We are slaves to our filtered and biased perceptions and they are just that, a perceived version of our reality, not reality itself. Dont lose yourself worrying about something that doesn't even exist.

Remember, there is no spoon.

Often time the things that trouble us the most reside more in our heads more than they do in our lives.

As they say, there is nothing to fear except fear itself. Because most of the time what you are afraid of is the unknown. Don't fear something that's not based on anything tangible, when in reality it's based on your own personal fears. You can overcome a fear that's based on nothing more than an emotional thought, by realizing that's all it is.

That's because there is no spoon.

Worry less about what might be or what you think is going to transpire and simply focus on the reality before you, in the moment you find yourself in. 

Be mindful of the future, but don't ever be fearful of it. Ever.

Because there is nothing to fear except fear itself and you have as much power over that fear you hide from as you want, because that fear is a construct and there is no spoon.

When He WANTS You. And When He NEEDS You.

There is a difference, 

Between a man that wants you, 

And a man that needs you. 

Yes. 

Oh yes. 

There is a difference, 

My love.

A man that wants you 

He sees something he craves. 

He salivates.

He watches. 

Ready to make his move, 

And he waits for his moment.

A man that needs you 

He sees a woman he deserves. 

He learns her. 

He looks into her eyes. 

And he does not hesitate, 

He makes his moment.

A man that wants you 

Will worship your body, 

Maybe the things that you say. 

He pleasures you, 

With the parts of himself he is willing to share. 

And he asks for little in return.

A man that needs you 

He will worship your body, 

And soul. 

And mind. 

And heart. 

He will possess you. 

And he will please you with everything he has. 

He demands all of you in return.

There is a difference. 

When a man wants you? 

He’s renting.

When a man needs you? 

He will own you.